Delusional Read online

“Actually, not that either of you would remember, but I went to Camp Camel, the camp that the three of you were at before you teamed up with Danielle, to warn you guys of an impending attack from the military. In fact,” He paused narrowing his eyes at Ethan, “I even remember talking to you.”

  “The military attacked Camp Camel?” I questioned, interrupting him, with a sharp edge in my tone. Just the idea brought a wave of pain from deep inside me. “Then why didn’t you try to stop them?”

  “Well because,” Jacob retorted. “We couldn’t interfere with government activities. Not only would we not be able to stop them, but they would eradicate us in the process. The only reason President Ash even allowed us to stick around for as long as we have is because we have never given a reason for him to care about us. We have always worked silently in the background, knowing that if we annoyed him in any way, chances are we wouldn’t be around for much longer to annoy him again.”

  Ethan tilted his head to the side in confusion, there was a cute way in which his eyes widened when he was thinking. “Then why did the government not care about the camps?”

  “Because,” Adrian looked at Jacob for permission to keep going, “The government thought we were helping them. They thought that we were stupid for rounding up thousands of their biggest dissenters into concentrated areas for them to easily kill. But what they didn’t realize was that we were extracting people from the camps in small numbers, small enough for them or the people in the camps to barely notice it. But it was happening.”

  I nodded my head, taking a second to digest the new information that was being thrown into my mind. It took a minute but then I finally made the connection between what Jacob was saying, and my ever-elusive past.

  “Wait.” I interjected louder than I had meant to, as I stared at Jacob and at the creases on his face dumbfounded. There was a surge of adrenaline and hope that coursed through me; the feeling felt almost unnatural amidst the pervasive darkness within me, but there was something about the rush that I liked. “You knew us?” My distraught voice echoed off the walls. “And you said there was a third person. Hunter, right? What do you know about all of us? What can you tell us about our pasts?”

  I could feel Ethan’s hand squeeze my wrist tightly underneath the glass table that we were seated around. I held my breath, trying to endure the tension that seemed to be slowly suffocating my lungs and causing my mind to go berserk with the flurry of emotions. My stomach churned, as I watched Jacob’s face painfully contort. I could tell there was something that he was desperately holding back. I could see the pain deep within his eyes suddenly proliferate throughout his entire body, as he stared at me with an afflicted look across his face. He was seemingly battling himself; battling his own emotions; battling the truth that inevitably resided inside of him. And it was impossible for me to tell what won.

  “I’m sorry.” He finally spoke, and I could see his expression soften. He had suddenly gained control of the paroxysmal movements in his face; however, it was evident in the sweat that leaked out of his pores, that deep within he was still at the mercy of his emotions; the mercy of reality. “But we know just as much about your past, as you guys know. All we really know, is that at Camp Camel we had come to recognize you guys, along with a number of others who spent weeks at the camp. And now,” Jacob paused, and I could see his eyes shift away from mine almost erratically. Adrian glanced at him anxiously, as if expecting something to rupture. “We don’t know much else besides the fact that you two are solely responsible for shutting down the mind control program. And you two are solely responsible for saving America. And we had to break you out of Area 51.”

  “But why?” I shook my head in exasperation, a combination of being disappointed that he had no answers and being fearful of their real motives. “Why take the risk in breaking us out?” I paused, shining laser-like beams from my eyes to illuminate the conscious of the man. “Why do that, when the government could have easily killed you all?”

  “You’re a smart girl,” Jacob grinned, there was what seemed to be a proud look in his eyes. “You’re right. We didn’t just save you from your imminent peril in Area 51 because we are just nice people, and we certainly didn’t take the risk without the opportunity of there being a great reward.”

  “Then what’s the reward?” I pressed him.

  “Well now that America is in a state of all-out civil war we don’t have to worry about taking a backseat to the government.” I watched as Jacob took a deep breath and the fire in his eyes seemed to glow even brighter. “We are ready to fight back. We are ready to take down the government. And we want you two to lead us in our revolution.” His tone was filled with defiance, with force, and something told me we didn’t have a choice.

  “You guys are already the two most recognizable names in American news today. Surprisingly, instead of taking full credit for shutting down the mind control program, Danielle actually gave credit to both of you and Hunter, who also was at Camp Camel and helped you shut down the mind control program, but we couldn’t find him in any of the holding cells. Luckily, we were able to break you both out before you were killed, or anyone else got to you.” Jacob continued, “And now you can both lead the coalition against the government, and show the American people, show the world, that it is possible to stick up for justice. You can use your platform to change America and change the world. In fact, it is your purpose.”

  The whole room was clouded in an aura of silence, as his words still muddled through my brain. I sighed, half in shock, half in frustration. How do they expect us to lead a rebellion when we don’t even know who ourselves are?

  “Don’t worry though,” Adrian said after a long pause, “You both will undergo four weeks of training before you are exposed to any of the public spotlight, and you will be much more prepared by then. I am confident you two will lead us into a new era of greatness and prosperity.”

  There was a long pause after his words, and I looked at Ethan suddenly feeling more alone than ever. These people don’t even want to help us get our past back. They just want us to help with their future.

  “Otherwise,” Jacob stated, there was a sudden rashness to his tone. “I think our meeting is done. Starting tomorrow your training will begin with me and Adrian as your instructors. Until then feel free to literally roam our pastures or talk with the other White Knights. Remember this our headquarters for all our operations throughout the entire world, so this is the best of the best.” Jacob stood up, “With that, thank you for your time, I hope we didn’t overwhelm you guys too much.”

  I took a deep breath, waiting for the shock to subside before the oceans of anxiety began to flood my veins.

  “Oh no,” Ethan said a hint of sarcasm in his tone, “I feel great.”

  “Yeah same here.” I said walking towards the door as fast as possible. I could feel the seal on my emotions beginning to rupture, and with every passing second the looming threat of exploding gets ever more imminent.

  “Well, have a nice day. I look forward to a better future for all of us.” Adrian called out in his deep, warm voice as I slammed the door shut behind me. I could feel the hurt resonating from his voice and seeping into my body.

  Without even thinking, I ran down the hallways and once I was out of earshot, I collapsed in exhaustion against the wall.

  “Sounds like we are leading a rebellion against the government.” Ethan slouched against the wall like a daisy that had received no water for weeks.

  “But how do they expect us to do that, if we have barely been around long enough to know anything?”

  “I don’t know,” He said staring down at the ground, those three words playing over and over again in the broken record of his broken mind.

  I looked absently at the creases of the skin on my fingers, and my thoughts began to wander.

  I began to dream of flying off to a faraway land where I could be happy, where I could be a different person. I wouldn’t have to worry about government bombings, or secre
t organizations recruiting me. I wouldn’t have to stare at the reflection of a girl I don’t know each day, I wouldn’t have to breathe in a body where I felt like my lungs didn’t belong. I wouldn’t have to deal with all the emotions that felt unnatural and live with my mind stuck in a perpetual hell. No one would expect anything of me—I could just live.

  I groggily began walking down the hallway, which would lead me outside. I violently coughed, the anxiety and shock sputtering out of me, however, my coughing instantly turned into a puking sensation as the horror proceeding on the screen in the main room flooded my eyes.

  The images were vivid, almost implanting my mind into the chaos that was unfolding. The streets below were packed with hundreds of thousands of people all screaming underneath the gray clouds that cast a dark ominous shadow along the city streets. My eyes filled with fire, my ears ringed with the sounds of gunfire, and my brain began to spin. A wall of smoke enveloped hundreds of people forever inviting them with the ash.

  A wave of guilt rushed over me, what have I done to this world? The wall of smoke dissipated slowly as dozens of rows of people raised their guns in unison.

  And it wasn’t until the rows of ammunition started firing in a crescendo of deafening crackles and booms, the hundreds of military personnel raised their guns over the riot shields, and the bodies began to drop one by one in lifeless piles of skin and bone, that I realized: this is no riot.

  This is war.

  Immediately following the gun fire a gas tank erupted in the air, rocking the buildings, and dust, debris, and bodies helplessly dispersed across the city streets.

  “Turn it off!” I screamed jerking my head away in disgust. I couldn’t bear to witness the military completely annihilate hundreds of innocent civilians. They stand no chance; the government is too powerful.

  I could almost hear the dozens of heads turn towards me as I frantically dashed out of the room, and into the cool, crisp air of the outdoors. I couldn’t quite tell you exactly where I was headed, or even what was around me. I let my feet, subconsciously carry me through the tall grass that tickled my ankles. I closed my eyes and could feel the rush of the wind around me as I began to climb up a hill.

  I opened my eyes, hoping that I somehow would wake up in a world where I could leave all the emotions behind, and truly start anew. But instead, I found my conscious still trapped in this foreign body and my hands tightly pulling on the strands of my hair.

  I closed my eyes, and I could feel myself painlessly begin to drift into a deep sleep.

  But then, the darkness beginning to blanket me got whisked away in the wind, as the whisper of a warm voice reverberated in my ears.

  “I’m sorry.” I opened my eyes startled, and through the hazy film over my eyes I was able to make out the impeccable face of Colton.

  For a while, I was unable to respond. I just stared at him, in a sort of subdued awe. Somehow, I could feel a wave of nostalgia wash over me, when I glanced into his eyes.

  The warm sun beamed down on the skin on my arms, but a cool persistent wind gusted by, blowing strands of my hair into my face. The air smelled of salt, pine, and faintly of goat shit. My eyes slowly meandered the beautiful landscape around full of lush greenery, prominent mountains, and goats grazing in the distance, but I always found my eyes innately landing on Colton.

  “It’s so beautiful,” Colton exhaled admiring the view from the top of the first of many hills that seamlessly rolled like waves from one into the next.

  “Yeah, it is,” I agreed following his lead to sit down atop our perch overlooking what felt like the whole world. To the left, the peaks of the mountains rose above the earth almost kissing the heavens with their gently sloped tops, and down below the wild flowers danced in the wind sending me into a hypnotic trance.

  Looking forward it could be seen that there were no mountains, the hills just gradually sloped downward into a body of water in the horizon. Besides the pine trees right outside the compound, grass and low brush infested the earth with hairy creatures feasting on their leaves. A low mysterious fog hugged the ground and above it all white, puffy clouds floated amidst the pure, blue sky. The scenery came together in a perfect symphony of colors, smells, and the low whistle of the wind to lull my brain into a sleep.

  “Look at that cloud,” Colton pointed up at the sky.

  “Which one?” I questioned even though all the clouds seemed to bleed.

  “The one that looks like a bear.”

  I squinted in the direction his finger was pointing, “I don’t see any clouds that look anything remotely like a bear.”

  “It’s up there,” he said grinning, “It’s right in between the cloud that looks like a horse, and the one that looks like a heart.”

  “Why isn’t that helpful.” I said, sighing a bit, however, I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his gorgeous face and maybe even more attractive body that was visible in the shirt that I wished he would just take off. His creamy, blissful eyes made me feel like I could drift away into his splendor.

  We both laid down so that we could look up at the majestic clouds float by. I felt his hand move over to hold mine softly in the small patch of grass that divided our bodies from touching.

  The wind was all but gone, and an aura of stillness hung over the air.

  The clouds meandered through the sky above, perfectly resembling my own mind. The way they billowed up in silky curves miles into the sky, yet some of them were thin and wispy; the way they grazed across the sky silently and gently, yet powerfully; the way the bulbous shapes of the clouds seemed to come together into an abstract painting that seemed so pointless to me but to the artist of the creation it held the meaning of infinite worlds.

  “What are some of your good memories?” I asked inching closer to him.

  He smiled and held “What makes you ask that?”

  “I have found that everyone has an odd fascination with what they don’t have. Go ahead, fascinate me.”

  “Well,” He paused, his eyes looking up into the vault of memories lodged in his head, “The best memory, that I’ve ever had. The best day that I’ve ever lived was when I was six years old. It was before the Great Crash and all the craziness that ensued after it. It was a sunny, mild Saturday morning in Huntington Beach, California.

  “I still remember it like it was yesterday. My dad had been deployed on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Arabian Sea for two years. Occasionally, like once a week, we would video chat, but besides that I had no contact with him. After two years the Indo-Iranian War was starting to wrap up, and we knew it was only a matter of weeks until he returned home, but we didn’t know exactly when.

  “And on one typical December morning, when my mom and I were at the local café eating breakfast, my dad, out of nowhere, walked in still dressed in his lieutenant uniform and pulled up a chair to the table my mom and I were sitting at.”

  Colton paused smiling up at the clouds with a glassy look in his eyes. “The feeling of complete shock, and pure happiness that overcame me in that moment is something I will never forget.”

  His conscious slowly emerged back into reality. His pupils appeared dilated as he stared at me with a sparkle in his eyes.

  “Wow,” I glanced at him, then up at the sky. I felt a pain stab at my heart as I imagined all the chaotic and traumatic memories that must be connected to all the anguish inside me. However, there was a part of me that felt nostalgic as I glanced at the content, maybe even happy look strewn across Colton’s face, and I imagined that my face had one day adorned that same expression.

  We both looked at each other perfectly in sync and he smiled. We innately shifted our bodies on the grass and laid on the ground, with our shoulders almost touching. His lips parted ever so slightly, and instantly I became overwhelmed with the sensation to make more memories.

  I shifted my body on top of his, leaned in just as his hand brushed over my cheek, and our lips connected. The same rush as last time flooded me, rejuvenating my bod
y and making me feel alive again. His lips tasted vaguely sweet, and his body had the feel of a mattress; firm, but with just enough give that you can get lost in its comfort.

  I took a breath giggling as we both rolled around the field of grass in a sort of awkward motion, making out as the clouds drifted by above us. My hands explored his body, moving up and down, and everywhere in between. Nothing was off limits.

  In the moment, with the crisp sun beaming down on us in between the wispy clouds and the surrounding fields of wild flowers and grass, everything felt perfect. The euphoric feeling swept all my problems out from under my feet, and just for that moment I felt like I was flying. Just for that moment, I forgot about everything in this messed up world, and relished in the sensation of living in a single feeling.

  Chapter 7

  In my short time on this planet, or at least the short time that I remember living on this planet, I have learned that the world works in funny ways.

  Humans, it seems, as a species are controlling in nature. But people have fundamental differences in doing it. For example, President Ash controls the people of America by striking fear into their eyes, and formerly by mind control. The White Knights, on the other hand, control their followers by simply not giving them another option or clear choice.

  That’s why when Jacob told me that they were embedding trackers onto the skin behind my ears, and that I had to wear special mandated ICLs at all times, I didn’t question it. I had learned to just blindly accept orders, knowing it would be easier in the end. At least that’s what they say.

  After two weeks of training, I was finally starting to adjust to the daily routine. Most days started with breakfast, followed by three hours of physical training. We started out with basic physical skills like running, lifting heavy objects; then we began to learn how to aim and shoot at targets with pistols and laser rifles, and practice basic knife attacks; and we recently were beginning to learn situational combat techniques. I always pestered Jacob about why I would ever need to use any of this in real life, but he claimed that it would always be useful in the event of an assassination attempt, which needless to say was a statement that was adept at keeping me up at night.